In my back yard, overlooking our small fish pond, there is a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. St. Francis, who lived in the late 12th-early 13th centuries, is remembered for his commitment to peace and compassion for all people. His deep faith led him to create the Order of Franciscans. But above all, he's remembered for his love for animals. Supposedly he once even preached to birds. The Catholic Church made him the Patron Saint of Animals.
These past two weeks have taught me that St. Francis and I have very little in common.
First there was the incident with the squirrels. I have won this round, but am sure they will be back to attack the house when I let my guard down. I'm sure St. Francis would've talked with the squirrels, made a bed for them inside the house, provided nuts and water and snickers. I'm just hoping the cayenne pepper and vaseline is still working.
Then, there was tonight.
This afternoon, my aforementioned fishpond had issues. The pump wasn't running well. The water was getting nasty. So, I climbed through the flowerbed dug around in the filter, cleaned some stuff out WITH MY BARE HANDS and then went back to work.
Tonight, after the girls were bathed and ready for bed, I went back out in the dark to see if the water had cleared up. As I approached the edge, something to my right moved. It slithered. And went in to the flowerbed (which I had been standing in). I went for the hoe. St. Francis was watching, I know.
By the time I returned with the hoe, the snake had made his way through the filter--THE FILTER I HAD BEEN RUMMAGING AROUND IN WITH MY BARE HANDS and was floating in the water just below the statue of St. Francis. Don't snakes eat fish? And little girls? And preachers?? He had to go.
With my wife standing bravely in a chair behind me holding a flashlight, I swung the hoe right past the statue of St. Francis and into the side of the snake, sending him to the bottom of the pond. All I could think was "Please be dead. Please be dead."
But he (or she) wasn't.
As I pulled him out with the hoe handle he struck at the handle. Very, very bad decision on his part. I was willing to simply carry him out to the ditch behind the house, but he had committed violence against my hoe handle.
So, I defended the honor of my hoe handle with The Patron Saint of Animals watching me.
The snake can no longer strike the hoe handle.
As Audra convinced the girls that Daddy wasn't a raving lunatic and wouldn't use the hoe on them, I disposed of the what I could gather together of the snake.
Anyone need a statue of St. Francis? I'm sure he wants a new home.